Sometimes, I am alone.

                 Sometimes, like now, I just feel so alone. I feel as I am unattached, unwanted, and unneeded from the rest of humanity. I feel as if no one will ever truly know me. I feel as if no one truly cares. I feel as if all I think, all I feel, all I want, need, and love are mine only. And that does not feel at all good. To say I sometimes feel lonely is a large understatement. It would more accurate to say that I sometimes feel abandoned, but with none of the hate for the deserters as the word requests. It would also be more accurate to say that I sometimes feel as I have no spot in others lives or in my own. But that still does not cover this great ache that I feel. This hurt, this emptiness, this yearning, this feeling of being alone is horrendous. It is heartbreaking. It is a seemingly everlasting torment. It is like a cancer; it will consume you. To feel alone, in the way in which I do, is the worst feeling that I have ever felt. I know that I can handle a lot. I can handle more than most but I can not handle being alone. I am too needy for that. I need there to be someone listening when I talk. I need to know that if I need to feel the touch of another that I can. I need to know that my suffering was not for nothing. I need to know that I will not have to suffer though alone. I can hardly bare to be alone. I do not know how I do it. I do not know how I swallow my screams of anguish. I do not know how I do not seek out prostitutes, strangers and nannies. I do not know I can continue to fight in this agony. I do not know how I can live when I feel that dreadful, horrible, frightful feeling of, alone. I did this school project where we had to put synonyms of the word we got on a line of strong to weak or good to bad. My word, as you might guess, was lonely. Naive of what was to come I titled it: "What could be worse than lonely?" Well hear me now you sarcastic twat: nothing that I have ever felt is worse than lonely. I would give a lot, almost anything, to not feel forlorn.  Because sometimes, like now, when I feel this way I can hardly be.